Last night, our family had a rare night off from activities. We ended up in the basement putting a puzzle together. I LOVE these times! I decided to turn CNN on my phone and listen to some of the election coverage. This brought up a lot of questions about politics from my kids (10 & 9) that my husband and I weren’t ready for.
“Who did you vote for?” “What are we?” “Do we want the other people to lose?” “Did you only vote for democrat?” “What does Republican mean?” “Who is running?” “What does Senate mean, what do they do?” “Is it the whole world or just our state?” “I don’t get it”
The first problem was explaining what was going on, why we were having and election, what the jobs were for and what they did. A lot of my explanations were hard for me to explain and even harder for them to understand. It made me realize that I really didn’t know that much about our government. I chose to go with honesty “There’s the House and Senate and they make laws and approve laws……Honestly, I don’t really know a lot about government. I learned when I was in school but frankly, I’m just not that interested. Some people love politic and government and they know a lot about it. If one day you become interested, there is a lot you can learn.”
How do we explain this to our children in a way that they get to keep their innocence and find their own way?
These questions made me take a look at what I wanted my kids to learn regarding this very touchy subject and age appropriate ways to handle it.
I work at several schools, and during the 2016 presidential election I walked into these cute little elementary aged classrooms, as young as 2nd grade and heard “Donald Trump is stupid and racist” and “Hilary wants to take our guns away” and “Donald Trump is great, he wants to build a wall to keep Mexicans out” and “my dad says democrats are stupid.” It’s shocking to hear these 7 year olds regurgitate, with such passion, what they hear at home. When they held a mock election at school, my oldest (who was 8 at the time and very sensitive) cried and said he didn’t vote for anyone because they both sounded mean.
1. Teach values, not party lines
We told our kids last night was that we are neither Democrat or Republican. We hold a certain set of values and we match up which candidate holds the same values that we do. That’s how we pick who we vote for. You will hear opinions from everyone, but when you match up what you hold most dear, this helps you decide who to vote for.
2. Teach kids how to discuss politics
You know most of those kids do not have opinions about Republicans or Democrats. Now I’m sure some do and maybe have passionate parents who teach them. But most kids just repeat what they hear at home. I fall in the category of the majority of Americans who “don’t discuss religion or politics” (which is a topic for another day). We don’t discuss our political beliefs, but discuss our values, what we believe often. That doesn’t represent a party.
I warned my kids to not discuss who we voted for at school because you may get very passionate people who disagree with you. And while this is ok, you will have to try to defend why “we” voted that way and you really don’t have an opinion on it. We made it very clear that they must decide for themselves who they vote for. And just because we, their parents, believe a certain way doesn’t mean that they will. Or even friends beliefs for that matter.
3. It’s ok to disagree
And when your friends do have different beliefs, it’s ok to disagree. We get to look at each other and see ourselves. We are all the same. Start a discussion about not knowing the other person’s story or what they are going through. Being “right” is not worth losing a friend over.
What’s the Golden Rule? “Teach others as you would want to be treated!”
4. Be honest and open
Because my husband and I were caught off guard (which seems to happen more than anyone ever tells you about), we did what most responsible parents do, we tried to dodge the questions. After the questions didn’t stop, I thought about the messages we were sending to them. We learned when we grew up, “don’t talk about politics”, and I didn’t want my opinions to dictate who they choose to be in the future. I decided I wanted to be open and make this a teaching moment. We told them who I voted for and why.
I want my kids to learn that it’s ok to ask questions and teach them how to have differing opinions. We didn’t have all of the answers but we tried to explain the best we could. It was difficult for them to understand and for us to explain, but I think we got the gist of it or they just lost interest.
5. Discuss family values even more
Discussing politics usually has a negative connotation, but we can make it an opportunity to reinforce our values we want to pass along to our children. Why we do the things we do, what we’re passionate about and how we want to live. We demonstrate this by what we do, say and live. We get to do this as many time as we possibly can.
I can also see some missed opportunities to ask them their options. What did they think about government and the election process? What did they think would make a good candidate or what they would look for? Do they have more questions, and how can we find the answers?
The more I dive deeper in my spiritual journey, I want to pass on the lessons I learn to my kids. They hear a lot from peers, TV and the internet. But values start at home. If the political turmoil has taught me anything it’s that I want to teach my kids how to discuss differing opinions while valuing the other person. It’s not black and white, there are many things that make a person who they are.
Did your kids have questions?
How did you handle election night or elections in the past? I’d love to hear your opinions and tactics!
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